Reminders that work: why most get ignored and how to set them

Everyone sets reminders. Almost everyone ignores them. The "bill" notification that arrives at 9am while you're taking the kids to school gets swiped away and forgotten; the same notification at 9pm, on the sofa, phone in hand, gets done. It's not about discipline: it's about when and to whom.

The principle: the reminder arrives when you can act

A useful reminder has three properties:

1. It arrives at a moment when action is possible. Paying a bill takes five minutes sitting down; remembering it in the car is useless.
2. It arrives with the right lead time. The same day for five-minute things; a week ahead for things that need booking, buying, asking.
3. It reaches the person who has to act. A notification to both is a notification to nobody.

Three kinds of reminder, three settings

To-dos

A to-do has a due date (the day) and, if needed, a reminder (the time). The common mistake is setting the reminder at the time you'd like to *have done* the thing, instead of the time you can *do* it.

Rule of thumb: phone calls in the morning (offices answer), online paperwork in the evening (you're sitting down), purchases when you're already out. In KidBox every to-do has its own reminder, and it reaches only the person it's assigned to.

Events

A calendar event often needs two reminders: one the day before ("tomorrow's the recital: costume needed") and one shortly before ("one hour to go, leave"). The first lets you prepare, the second keeps you from being late. A single reminder at thirty minutes is enough for nothing that needs preparation.

In the family calendar an event's reminder reaches all members: for the kids' commitments that's what you want.

Deadlines

Bills, warranties, insurance, inspections. Here lead time is everything: 7 days for payments, 30 days for things that need an action (cancel, book, renew). In the Home section and the Vehicles section every deadline has its own lead time, and the notification reaches whoever owns that area.

Who gets it

The most neglected point. In a family, notifications to everyone have a cost: after a week of "bag ready?" reaching people it doesn't concern, the app gets muted. From then on no reminder works any more.

The rule:

• To-dos notify only the assignee.
• Events notify everyone, because they concern everyone.
• Deadlines notify the area's owner.
• Chat notifies everyone, but it's the only one.

If a member gets more than five family notifications a day, something is set up wrong.

Reminders for kids

An 8-year-old with a phone (or a tablet) can get their own reminders: "8:00pm, pack your bag". It's far more effective than the parent saying it, for a simple reason: a notification has no tone. It isn't a reproach, it's information, and the child can tick it off on their own.

For the little ones, without a device, the reminder reaches the parent — but it's the child who does the thing.

Repeat, but not too much

A reminder that repeats every day until you tick the thing is useful for a week and unbearable after. If something has had three reminders and hasn't been done, the problem isn't the reminder: it's that the thing has no real date, or no real owner, or isn't needed. It should be deleted or rescheduled, not reminded a fourth time.

The test

For one week, every time you dismiss a notification without doing anything, ask why: wrong moment, wrong person, wrong thing? At the end of the week fix the settings. Usually three or four changes are enough for notifications to go back to being things you do, instead of things you dismiss.